I was clear about the concept of relationships as I grew up from my teenage years into a young adult. For me, loyalty was key and that anyone who went flirting or beyond with someone other than his or her partner was cheating. I always believed I would stick to one person through my life irrespective of what happened. I believed in commitment and never thought I could go beyond one person.
I started my professional career and within a couple of months, I landed my dream job. I soon got into a relationship. My boyfriend Rajat was a great person – financially stable, well educated and the only son of a well-established business family (not that I have a problem with bigger families!). We married four years later. Life was like a fairy tale. I could confide in him. He appreciated my taste in art and loved life like I did. Life was going well until I changed my job two years into my wedding, and this is where my life changed. I was on an amazing high in my career and was spending a lot of time at work and travelling for work. Alongside me, at most times was my colleague Akshay who slowly came really close to me as a confidant. Friendship, one night turned intimate, as we indulged in sex on a night while on business travel. The sex was so awesome and while I felt guilty of cheating on my hubby, I was also glad I had a great ‘sexperience’, if I may term it that. Things were no longer the same. The guilt of cheating soon overpowered my mind but the thoughts of great sex lured me back into bed with him regularly.
Was I prioritising my physical self over my marriage? The thoughts whizzed through my brain a few times, but I continued the dual life I was enjoying so much. I have more questions than answers in my life now! I don’t want to let go of the security of being with Rajat, but neither do I want to leave the exciting times in bed with Akshay. With Akshay, the sex is so amazing that it feels like a new experience each time, while sex with my husband is conventional and boring, to say the least. I don’t want to compare the two but cannot control my thoughts as I get into bed with either. Now my boyfriend wants to marry me but it’s a hard choice as my husband is also my best friend. The compatibility is incomparable and the stability is something I don’t want to let go of!
The thoughts are tearing me apart and it is taking a hit on me emotionally. What am I heading towards? How could I have complicated my life so much?