My last blog post touched upon our basic instinct to survive, today I want to write more about this basic instinct. In the past few weeks I have had a few interactions that have forced me to think that how we behave depends a great deal on how we want others to perceive us. This statement may make you think what’s wrong in that after all the control is still in my hand. I beg to differ…… because when we start thinking about how we want others to perceive us we stop being ourselves!! We are so busy trying to come out as not too shy or not too loud, not too casual and not too stuck up that who we really are gets diluted.
I am not saying that it is a bad thing, what I am saying is that we guard ourselves so tightly, that we build a wall around us. This wall is what stops us from having fulfilling relationships as we do not allow anyone to enter the wall. While it is important to protect ourselves it is equally important to know when to let that guard down. In fact at times it is nice to share our insecurities and vulnerabilities….. it can be liberating! You must think i’m crazy to even say this, as if we do that there is a chance that we might be taken advantage off!! But you know when I have shared my fears I have felt a great deal of relief. Because till I shared it with my companion it was such a big deal in my head and once I voiced it, it didn’t seem so bad. The beauty of sharing lies in the fact that we are able to bring these fears and insecurities in our awareness and may also be willing to face them.
I have encountered a lot of people in my practice of ten years who otherwise seem so strong and outspoken but in reality are ridden with so many vulnerabilities. We don’t even realize how we are slaves to our fears and just with their acknowledgement we can be freed from them.
So it would be empowering if how we think, feel and act was not dependent on how others perceive us but on how we can be ourselves. A great side effect of this would be greater intimacy and honesty in relationships.